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Feb 06, 2010

A Smile Everyday

Joke of the Day: Her Birthday:

You take her out to dinner..0

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ......+1

Okay, it is a sports bar..-2

And it's all-you-can-eat night..-3

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team..-10

Jan 31, 2010

A Smile Everyday

Joke of the Day: Please a woman

A group of girlfriends are on vacation, when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads, "For Women Only". Since they were without their boyfriends or parents, they decide to go in. The desk clerk, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors...go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide, since each floor has signs telling you what's inside." So they start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads, "All the men here have it short and thin." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads, "All the men here have it long and thin."

Still, this wasn't good enough, so the friends move up to the third floor, where the sign reads, "All the men here have it short and thick." This was still another disappointment, but knowing there are still 2 floors left, they move on to the next floor. On the fourth floor, the sign was perfect. "All the men here have it long and thick."

The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is one floor left. Wondering what they were missing, they go to the fifth floor, where the sign reads, "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

Jan 24, 2010

A Smile Everyday

Joke of the Day: The Five Secrets of a Perfect Relationship

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks and cleans from time to time, and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other.

Jan 17, 2010

Tina's Story - Diving in the Red Sea (II) Besides the dive weather, another topic in discussion among the divers is the divie light. As there will be a few night dives, the organizor insisted everyone get a torch for himself/herself. "This is important." Tina remembers her first night dive in China, Bohai bay. It was shallow and she's got a companion. Both of them had a torch for themselves. Although with the torch on, Tina will not forget the feeling of fear overwhelming her as she looked down into the darness below... "Hope this time gonna be better, with a lot more people around." Will one torch be enough? Paul, one of the fellow divers, mentioned, for the big boy divers (smiling...), three light sources are required for each person: a primary, a backup and a chemical stick (Cylume). A lot of things to take, but definitely good for safety. Not everybody understands this? Here is a story... "The Sailors' Cold And Lonely Night" (Diver Down, Real-World Scuba Accidents and How to Avoid Them) "Tonya and Robert were a professional couple in their mid-thirties who were very athletic and active in many outdoor sports. Two of their most passionate activities were sailing and diving. ... They were also both fairly active divers. They had been recently certified as advanced divers and they took frequent late-afternoon or Saturday morning trips to a freshwater lake near their home just to get wet... When Tonya received a big promotion at her job, the two found an ideal excuse to take an extended vacation to the Caribbean. They spent several weekends prepping Robert's sailboat and then a couple more weekends moving it down the coast of Florida to a convenient jumping-off point for the voyage to a popular island chain in the Caribbean. ...Desiring some spontaneity and lots of privacy on their trip, Tonya and Robert filed only a very loose float plan with family members. A float plan is an important part of any seagoing adventure because it is a method of alerting authorities if something goes wrong. In many maritime accidents, the vessel may be unable to establish contact with autorities or another boat or the sailors may not have time to establish that contact before abandoning their vessel... ...After adding more than twenty dives to their logbooks, Tonya and Robert were interested in more-advanced adventures...The divers allowed themselves to float on the very mild current, scanning the deeper water on their right side. By focusing on the dark-blue waters at the edge of the wall drop-off, Tonya and Robert were deprived of any reference that would have told them that the current flow was rapidly increasing. Twenty minutes into their 40-minute dive plan, Tonya looked around to check the reef. A chill of alarm washed over her as she realized that they might have drifted much farther from their boat than they imagined... Robert and Tonya were now facing a serious situation. Surfacing, they found that they had been swept toward the north end of the island and were caugth in a current that they esimated to be one and a half to two knots...night was fast approaching, and they were moving farther and farther into open ocean with each passing minute... Tonya removed her safety sausage...The end of the safety sausage had a holder containing a Cyalume lightstick. She snapped the stick to break the vial inside and shook the liquid to initiate the lightstick's glow--only it didn't glow...she recalled her local dive store at home remind her that the stick needed to be replaced about once a year. She had never used or replaced the lightstick in nearly four years since she had bought it...As the sun set, Robert pulled a battery-powered strobe light from his BCD...He turned on the light and was elated when it activated and bgan to flash....His elation, however, turned to despair about 20 minutes later when the strobe quit flashing..."when was the last time the batteries were changed?" Robert could not recall...Robert and Tonya...were now feeling the extreme cold that even the 84F tropical water can deliver. As exhaustion drove the divers to fitful dozing, Robert decided to hook their BCD straps together to ensure that they did not become separated...At 2:00 am they saw the lights of a large boat. It could have been 1 mile away or 10 miles away. Robert tried to scream, but his voice was hoarse from thirst, cold and the intake of sea water... "The Sailors' Cold And Lonely Night" (Diver Down, Real-World Scuba Accidents and How to Avoid Them)

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